http://lonelylies.blogspot.com/

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Just for reference, so far
L is Travis,
R is Nick.


love you D!

Wow, I feel cheated.

I was talking to L. today about Travis (she knows him too) and it turns out she dated him a while ago too. So we pooled all the information we had collected about him together and guess what? He never mentioned me at all to her, instead he mentioned this other girl (Jenny I think) who he dated at around the same sort of time as he was with me. And I was like 'wow, ouch'.

And by the sound of it, he has dated quite a few people. Wow, and there I was, completely fooled by his innocently sweet smile, and his charming manners. Ouch, now I don't know what to think of him at all. I think I have been put totally off him.

But knowing me, I will have changed my mind by tomorrow.

xxx

Ooh, so I saw Travis after school today. And it was all going fabby, then I saw that the wallpaper on his phone was a picture of a rather pretty girl. Intrigued, I kept that in my mind. Then later when he was teasing me about Dan, I brought it up, wanting to know who I could tease him about. So I was like 'who's the girl on your phone?'
And he was like 'yeah, I like her. So you could tease me about her.'
'Is it like, something mutual?'
'Yeah, I have been dating her for a short while now.'

Ohh. Heart sank right to my feet, but I tried so hard to keep a smile on my face, and I tried so hard to carry on indifferently. I'm not sure how well that worked, but he probably picked up on it. He didn't mention anything though.

But he's just so so lovely, and I don't want him to be with some clever pretty person. I want him to be with me. Me, the one with the troubled past who is amazingly self obsessed. And part of me is saying, that all I want is him, no one else. And that I would give up anything for him.

But what makes him so good?? I have no idea. Honestly, I guess he's just like any other guy. Except when he talks, it feels like I'm the only person in the world that matters to me. And when he looks at me, anything could happen, and his touch could just carry me through.

Wow, I need to get a life.

Confession: being single has left me feeling very lonely. So I may have kissed Nick today...And do you know what's really really bad? I don't regret it.

I'm even arranging to do it again.

xxx

Umm, week 2 of school. So far so good. Everything still isn't settled yet. I mean, it's all really weird to me still.

Okay, the deal on guys:

Travis: the love of the moment.

Dan: stalker of the moment. He's like in love with me or something. And I just abuse him. I really don't fancy him or anything, but it's really fun to lead him on, then drop him. I know it's really awful of me, but sometimes I need a pick me up.

Adam: really hot guy in my physics and maths classes. Wow, he's nice to look at. Only I'm not sure if he likes me like that. I would prefer Travis, but he would do nicely for the moment. But he isn't playing along. He's messing around with another girl out of school. Gosh, why can't boy's just play fair.

xxx

First day of school!! Okay, not sure if I can actually call it a day, as it was barely a couple of hours, but oh well.



Travis took me in, on the bus, then left me at the bottom of the stairs to the common room. As I climbed the steps, I emptied my head of all thoughts, and walked. At the top, I took a quick glance of the room, then walked forward, afraid to be seen to hesitate. I made my way over to the nearest person stood on her own, and said 'hi'. There we are, one down, and all fears cast aside.

xxx