I'm sorry D. I don't think I'm going to be happy where you are. I'm going to move school. Make a new start, away from the memories both bad and good.

On the positive side, I got my results today, which wern't too bad:
A* in Physics, Chemistry, Art, and Electronics
A in Maths, Biology, English literature, French
B in English language, Latin

Not too bad, huh? Wish me luck next year, hopefully all A*s

xxx

It looks like my relationship with Travis has failed too. I met up with him last night, and he professed that he didn't understand me at all, and he doesn't believe I understand him either; that we don't connect on all levels, although we do connect on some levels. So he still wants to be friends. But that is so confusing. And I never knew that being dumped could make you feel so bad. I mean, I can't remember being dumped by someone who I actually fancied/liked. But Travis has been so different to all the other guys I know. He is (oddly) more content with talking rather than kissing. Which, I admit, was getting to be a bit of a problem, because I love kisses, but I didn't mind putting up with it, because when we did kiss, it was like my world exploded. I had the butterflies in my tummy and everything.

But here's the really big problem: he still wants to be friends. But I'm not sure if I want to be friends. I mean, surely it's going to be hard to see him, and have to restrain myself against hugging him. But at the same time, I love him too much to lose him. 'The ball is in [my] court' he says. But I don't know what to do for the best.

Changing subject drastically: My Dad has been offered a job in America. Which is both good and bad. It means he has a job (always a plus) and that I am getting rid of him, without losing him completely (which is good: we don't always see eye to eye) but, now I have the option of going to 6th form at my original school. Errrm, I don't really know if I want to. Because a change would be good, and I would have a new start, away from the whole Tom incident. Ooh, the indecisions. I might need to seek alot of help, because I'm shit with making decisions. But the people around me have conflicting intrests, so I'm going to recieve very mixed responses. Wish me luck.

There's no way to be good. You can't do something without hurting at least one person. So I guess you have to think very carefully about what you are about to do, before embarking on something major.

What I'm trying to say is that should you have to make a major decision, that could potentially hurt someone, or have a big impact, then you are bound to not be able to satisfy everyone's needs. So you should consider every possible plan of action, and try to impress as many people as possible.

We say things to make people think good of us, then do the exact opposite to pander to out own needs. It's the selfish life we live that is going to get us down in the end, even if it leaves such a high at the time. Ultimately, who knows what's right, and what's wrong. There is no right or wrong, it's one big ball of very tangled string.

Wow, did that make sense at all? Umm, I hope so, but I doubt it, as I have no idea what I'm trying to say. I mean, I do know vaguely what I mean, but I'm just not sure how to say it.

xxx

When we kiss, it's like the whole world waits for the two of us. The butterflies in my tummy when we touch seem to be incessant, and I love it. I never want him to leave, for when we are together, he makes me feel as if I am the most important person in the world.

What makes me deserve a man of such great callibre? I have no idea. He sees past all my flaws, my wrongdoings, to see the innocence inside. I am so lucky to have him, I never want to let him go.

xxx

Went into town today, with my Mum and sister, so my sister could get her navel pierced. Ouch...But it was nice, Mum is finally out of the house, and we put the mirrors back up around the house today. Happy times.

And I have no idea what's going on with Travis. I really can't figure him out. At all. Now he has asked if I want to stay over at his house one night. Of course, I would love to, but my Mum wont let me. Typical Mum, it was going to be so fun aswell.

Oh well, I can still see him at least, and he makes me feel so happy whenever he is around.

xxx