Mum had an operation on Monday, something to do with her bladder or kidneys. Nothing major, so she should have been in and out on the same day, but she couldn't pee afterwards, so she had to stay in overnight.

Then disaster struck. When having a shower the following morning, she fainted. Blacked out completely. When she came around, she had blood pouring from her head. Uh oh...

So now, three days later, she is home, with 23 stitches in her head, as well as the stitches form her operation. Now she can't bear to look at her reflection in the mirror, so we have to take all the mirrors down in the house, apart from the one in my bathroom.

So me and my sister take it in turns to look after her, only going out when we know that the other one is home to look after her. It's stressful, but it's necessary.

Get well soon Mum, I love you. xxx

Yesterday, I managed to meet up with Travis. We met outside the shop, then decided to go into town, where we just hung around in the rain, and talked. It was lovely to see him again, although I had no idea how to act. When he kissed me when he first saw me in the morning, I didn't meet his kiss, I just froze. But can you blame me? he didn't even tell me when he got back!!

Yeah, maybe I should let it go already...

I saw him again today. He invited me over to his house for the first time ever. And wow, his house is really nice. His room is immaculate! And so pretty too. So we just hung out in his room, talking.

xxx

Here I am , heartbroken. Okay, slight exaggeration, but still, I do feel let down. You know Travis went away to Switzerland for a week, or something, well, now he's back. Only he hasn't told me he's back. I only know that he is back, becuase I saw that he had a shift earlier this morning at the shop, and I saw his name on the register, saying that he had been there for that shift. So I don't know how long he's been back, and he hasn't text or called me to inform me of his being-back-ness. Which is pretty upsetting.

What did I do wrong this time? Or am I just being silly, and over-reacting. I really hope it's the latter, because he is a really lovely guy.

Lots of love, xxx

Thinking about this whole school-moving-catastrophe, it may not be that bad as I thought it would be. Although I still can't decide which school to go to.

The all girls academy (lets call that 'aga' for short) would be good, because I would have no distractions, but at the same time, I like mixing with boys. I'm more of a boy-friendly girl, than a girl-friendly girl. So I may have no one to talk to. Okay, out of the 80 girls that are there, I'm bound to have somone to talk to but...no boys? That's gonna be hard.

Then there's the mixed school which my Dad is so set against, purely for the reason that there are boys.

I think the mixed school will be more fun, and there, they have spaces on all of the courses I want to do, whereas at aga, I can't do biology. Plus, there are more people going to the mixed school, I think somewhere in the region of 240, so I'm more likely to find friends there. That, plus Travis goes there (but he might be a reason against me going there. I don't want to have to see him every day, incase things go bad or something). Gosh, decisions. But I have until September to figure out my options.

Lots of love, xxx

On Wednesday, my Mum and sister went to Devon, to the caravan. I went up with Mum's bf the day after, because I had a college interview on Thursday morning, which turned out to be pretty good, and now I can go to college next year =]

So we went down in the van, and I chose to bring Travis along too. Good decision. He was lovely. Everywhere we went, he held my hand, occasionally bringing it up to him mouth to kiss it. And when we were walking along, he would kiss the top of my head. He made me feel like the luckiest girl alive, he's lovely.

One night, I spent the night in the van with him. We kissed and cuddled untill about 3am, then we fell asleep on eachother. And that was so lovely, because it wasn't the sort of sleazy kiss I'm used to, it was an unhurried kiss, because we have time to get to know eachother still. Wow, he's perfect. Only thing is, he's so perfect, he's too perfect for me, and I feel I'm going to lose him. What would I do then?

Lots of love, xxx

Good news! Bad news too....Which do you wanna hear first??

Bad news, so I can end on a good note. Okay, well, yesterday, I was speaking to Tom, and I decided to end it with him. I love him still, but he wasn't coming back here, and I didn't believe that he loves me. He didn't say that he does love me, so I guess I was right. All the way through the conversation I was wishing he would say that he loves me, and that he will come back, just for me. But he didn't, so I figure I'm better off without him.

Okay, good news. And this good news is from Monday, and it still has me grinning like a loony. Okay, on Sunday, I saw Travis for a while. We went back to mine, and just talked, untill my Mum came back, and told us that it was getting late. (It was almost midnight, and I might turn into a pumpkin or something if I stay up too late. Ha ha) Then later that night, Travis IMed me to say that he forgot to give something to me, could he pop over mine in the evening for 5 mins.

Sure enough, the next day, he came over, said 'hi' to my mum and sister, and then pulled me into the kitchen. 'Close your eyes, and put out your hand' he said, and I did what was asked of me. He put his hand into mine, and kissed me.

I don't know what to say now, but I'm grinning again, because it made me so so happy. I have been waiting so so long for that, and it was soo romantic, and lovely! Awh, he's an angel. <3

Lots of love, xxx

Holiday account:


Day 1(Saturday): Got on the most boring train journey of my life. Okay, sure at first I was really excited, but after about one hour, I was bored senseless. I think the longest train journey I had been on before that was when I used to go to Bath to see Tom. And that was about 40 mins. from my house, so there were no problems there. Plus, there was the thrill of seeing the man I loved.



Anyway, I digress...When we arrived, we dragged our suitcases to the house we were staying at, and got a proper look at our tiny room with eight bunkbeds squashed into it. We quickly settled whose bed was whose, and then got down to exploring. I stuck with D. for the rest of the day, but left her with some friends in the evening, and I went back to our room to find all the guys we were staying with.



The party was well underway by the time I got back to the room, with the drinks flowing, and the air jostling with frivolities. Wasting no time at all, I started flirting, and soon I had started kissing one of the boys staying in my room. Soon, I grew bored, as it was clear he didn't want to do anything major, so I moved on to the next guy. But he was pretty boring too (still a virgin, and although he didn't care, I did. I don't want to be anyone's first!!) Then the real danger began. I started meddling with another guy in my room. And he has a girlfriend (who I know reasonably well). We kissed in the room privately in the dark, him pushing me down to suck his cock, but I rememberd his girl, and politely walked away.



Later in the evening, I found myself with him again, but this time, the room was a bit more crowded. So we went downstairs to the only free room - the toilet. Gross, I know, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And I was in desperate times after not having seen Tom for ages.Soon, we were both naked, and I was sat straddling him on the toilet, bouncing up and down on his dick.



We stayed downstairs fucking until 2.30am, when we finally returned to the room together. D. was back in the room, and everyone was in bed, so I hurriedly got changed, and climbed up to my bunk, trying to forget what I had just done. I felt guilty, but not because of Tom, but becasue of the guy's girlfriend. She's a good girl, and ever so lovely.



Day 2 (Sunday): We got up, and were in the sea by 8.30 am. Why?!? I have no idea, but it was great fun, even though it was slightly freezing! We made plans that night to go to an under 18s night, so D. and I started to get ready, and put on our make up, did our hair etc. Then some guys came over our place, and convinced us to go to the beach again. Tom and I walked all the way down arm in arm, and when we got there, because I didn't forward think to put on a bikini, I went into the sea with him in just my undies.

I ruined my make up, and I had to put on clean (dry) undies when I got back, then D. and I went out, and danced all night, giving me blisters, and making me soo sleepy! But it was great fun.


Day 3 (Monday): Shopping day. Me and D. had to go to Boots to get a couple of things (not all of which we remembered...we were convinced we forgot something, which turned out to be painkillers, but luckily we didn't need them in the end) We also bought hoodies (bright red ones, with 'NEWQUAY' written across the front, and 'LIFE GUARD' written across the back) and we enquired about getting tattoos.

Spent the evening on the golf course with the druggies, and I lost my phone on the sand. Oops...I totally panicked when I couldn't find it, and that ruined my night. On the way back, we sang loud, gaudy songs, and probably woke up the entire neibourhood.



Day 4 (Tuesday): We did't get up so early, but we did go into the sea for a bit, before returining to the room to get ready to go out at night.

We went to another under 18s night, and we got glow sticks ( yay!! ) but when I got back, I fell asleep almost straight away.


Day 5 (Wednesday): This was the night I stayed out all night, and didn't return to our place 'till 12.30 that afternoon.

After going to someone's house, we went to the golf course to see some of the guys. I ended up getting off with Tom (who I had gone into the sea with) and then we went back to his, where I stayed the night, sleeping in his arms.

Day 6 (Thursday): As I have said, I wasn't there for half of the day, becasue I was at Tom's and I didn't get back until about 12.30.

When I did get back, it was a bit of a disaster day, as one of the guys I was staying with was having a bit of a bullying crisis. All his stuff had been put into a shower, with shampoo, water and oats. Then he went and told the people in charge of the house, and they threatened to take away our deposits, unless someone owned up to it. Oh dear...

I stayed in that night, due to sheer exhaustion. Halfway through the night though, the guy who was being bullied came back, and was really miserable. So we talked through his problems, and he decided to leave immediately. Then he came back, becuase he had missed his last train. Ha ha, luck wasn't shining on him.


Day 7 (Friday): Last full day. We decided to go out for a full breakfast, and paid mostly in coins. Then when we got back, a load of guys were smoking in the room. Gross, and totally uncalled for. After they left, I decided to have a shower, that's when some meanies decided it would be a good idea to take pictures of me in the shower. That put me in a v. bad mood, and I was completely horrible to them for the rest of the day.

That night, we just stayed in the room, me reading out loud, and the two boys I was with listening, and all three of us drinking Baileys. At one point, D came in with her boy, and saw that one of us was there. She didn't see me (I was hidden in the corner, and the lights were out). But that was funny, and we ate chineese.


Day 8 (Saturday): We woke up, packed our stuff, and headed off, getting on the train for the tedious journey back. And gosh, was I glad to be home! Wow, I never knew I could miss home so so much! And it was great to be back.