Dilemma: My Dad has lost his job. Okay, he hasn't lost it yet, but he has no job come October. Normally that wouldn't affect me all that much, except I would be a little less frivolous in my spending habits, but this actually seriously affects me. My Dad pays for my school fees, and with no income for him, I don't get to go to school. Okay, I can still go to school, just not my current school. Not the school I want to go to. And at such late notice, no schools really want me. My only option so far is an all girls school, and I really don't want to go back to an all girls school.

My primary school years were completely devoid of boys (apart from those two idiots that lived down the road, who I played with when I was little, but we soon moved house, and that was the last of our friendships), so when I went to a mixed secondary, I got completely lost, and really didn't fit in. So now, just as I'm starting to get the hang of it, I have to be ripped from my comfort zone.

Plan of action? Erm...What do I do?? I spoke to D about it, and she said I should go and talk to my school, and see if they can have me with reduced fees. And I'm hoping that works. I just don't want to move, and if push comes to shove, and I do have to move, I really don't want to go to an all girls 'academy'.


Change of subject competely, on a lighter note, last night, I went out with Travis. I hadn't seen him in ages, and he randomly text me, asking if I wanted to to something that night. I said yeah, and we ended up going to the nature reserve, which was so pretty, if a little bit overgrown. But yeah, that was really nice, becuase I hadn't spent time with him in ages. So it was nice to see him again. =]

Lots of love, xxx

So I havn't posted in a while, but that's only because my life is full of such nothing. The exams have ended, and on Saturday, I went on a three day expedition (we had to carry our tents, and everything. It was crap) so now I'm absolutely cream crackered.

And my feet hurt.

And I miss Tom. I havn't seen him since the 11th, or whenever he last came down. Actually, he came down on the 21st, but I wasn't here. I was on the bloody expedition, almost killing myself with exhaustion. Gosh, thank God that's over.

I need hugs. And lots of them. Just hugs. The two of us lying side by side, on the warm grass, my head on your chest, as you stroke my hair.

I'm lonely.

xxx

Okay, so where to start?? Okay, so I went to see Tom today. 11/06/09. I met him at the station, then we went into town, got chips, then went back to his hotel. On the way to his hotel we stopped for coffee and talked. Then we checked in, and went up to the clean, white room.

He hugged me, and kissed me softly on the lips. I love that feeling. Just the feeling of a guilty kiss, a fobidden kiss. Thinking of the way he pulled me into him makes me feel so lonely now that I have left him. And I can't wait to see him again tomorrow.

We kissed, and he started to undo the buttons of my shirt. I did the same to him, and soon we were topless. I took off his trousers, and he did the same to me. Just in my underwear, he pushed me onto the clean bedsheets, and followed me down. Lying next to me, he kissed me again with his soft lips, and traced his finger up the inside of my thigh, and pulled aside my panties. I gasped with pleasure as he rubbed my clit, and pulled me so close to climax. Then he undid my bra, and took off his pants, before taking off mine. I clambered on top of him, and, well...we carried on and on for about 4 hours.

And now I am home, I feel really lonely. Because he's so sweet to me. He says the nicest things, and pays me lots of attention, even though I am mad and repeat myself alot. I love him, and I can't wait to see him again tomorrow.

Lots of love, xxx

The Travis story.

I think he was the guy who was working when I picked up an application form for Spar, but I'm not sure. I remember that the guy was kinda cute in a quirky way. Just like Travis. The first time I spoke to him was at the start of my thrid shift, as he was just finishing his morning shift. I mentioned I also worked in the charity shop down the road on Saturdays, and the next week, he came to the charity shop, especially to talk to me. First we talked about the books that were there, then the pretty items under the counter, then, as I thought he was going to leave, he said,

'Do you fancy going for a coffee sometime?'

I went bright red, smiled, and almost screamed 'YES!' So I gave him my email, because of the lack of phone, and we taked on MSN.

Ooh, panic at the end of the first conversation: How many kisses do I put at the end? Argh, I couldn't decide in time, so I just put one, fearing leaving without putting any.

So the following Thursday, we went for coffee, and I was sooo nervous before hand. I had to get a couple of friends to agree to come and check on us!! But it was actually okay. But no kiss at the end. And I got grounded, becasue I was home late.

The next time I saw him, we went into town, and just sat on College Green together, and talked. And at one point, we had a tickle war, and I thought he was going to kiss me, but nope. Still no kiss. So we got the bus home together, and no kiss when he got off at his stop.

Next 'date' was a picnic. Well, sort of. I brought food, but we hardly ate it. Then we lay on the grass together, side by side. And talked the afternoon away.

The last time I saw him, we went to the field, and just sat, and talked. And messed around a bit, watching little kids play football.

We are definately getting more and more comfortable around eachother, but I'm just wondering where that kiss is. Whether it is ever going to come or not? Or why else would he have asked me out in the first place? Maybe I'm too immature for him. Maybe I talk too much. Or too little. Or maybe I'm just too short. Because when we walk together, my head just reaches his shoulder. Oh dear...

Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living - Anais Nin



At last the worst week of exams is over, and I can breathe again. Only seven more to go. Oh, and I never have to write an english essay again in my life! Gosh, isn't that the greatest joy in life!?

Well, it feels like a while since I wrote last, but it has only been like, 3 days...I guess it's because nothing much has happened in those three days. I have 6 exams this week, and with 4 down, there is just 2 to go.

Excited about:

• Never having to do maths again. Well, I know I will have to do some at some point...but I don't have to do it in the lesson-sense. I never have to do a maths test.
• Seeing Tom. A week and one day!!
• Getting my phone back. Just 16 more days...come on phone!! I can't wait..then I can go out more, again!!

Dreading:

• Tomorrows exams...Espesh. chemistry. And gosh, I'm doing chemistry next year too!!
• The weekend. Becasue I know I have to revise, but I'm going to be soo distracted!

Lots of love, xxx